A Note to Michael
June 25th 2012
To MJ Respect is due
I must stay anonymous as I will not let anything or anyone get in my way. Pertinent reasons why will become clear throughout this blog. I don’t want to be influenced or persuaded….contacted nor can I be bought. Yet I need for you all to know who I am…. The way I see it, why would and should you read and continuously read my blogs and receive my words if you can’t feel me. It’s important to me that you all really understand why I’m here for Michael. I don’t want you to assume or surmise know why from the source. If you get to know me than the things I blog about will have an even greater impact. I’m so very appreciative of TeamMichaelJackson being my blogs’ home. You will find them nowhere else on the net and for the last three years they have merely been my private words that my own family has not borne witness to. As serious as an undertaking as this is for me (finding out what happened to Michael) aligning with TeamMichaelJackson and its founder means that I have the utmost Trust Respect and Love for her and this site.
I would not involve myself with anyone that will harm Michael ever. I will not align with anyone that is out to do dirt or defraud the world in his name. I have connected with TeamMichaelJackson’s founder in a real tangible way, yes Michael brought us together but her heart has kept us together; she is my sister and I protect and ride for my sisters. She is a good woman and dedicated to a fault, she takes the brunt of so much shit so that we all can do our work in peace and with much needed anonymity without the haters on our backs. Says a lot about her character. I must only show Love and respect to someone such as her. I’m opening up to you here and now as I need you all to know that Justice4Michael comes from a real deep place for us all.
TeamMichaelJackson’s site is informative and diligent in its expose of facts, chronicling the journey of the investigation into Michael’s death and the theft of his empire. However as equally as important as that is…the hearts that beat here that sparks all our passion; there is Love and grief that motivates this inquest and keeps us going when it gets hard. Make no mistake it gets hard, frustrating and lonely. The memory of Michael and understanding more of about who Michael is and yet to become; is what keeps us moving forward. So when you come in with your bullshit know that you are twisting the knife in very fresh wounds, it’s obvious that you haven’t gave a shit up to this point yet you better start cause we ain’t going NOWHERE!!!
I’d like to take this time now if you allow me to share my innermost thoughts on Michael. I have never done this before but I think it’s time. We have talked about Branca and Sony and AEG and other cold hard facts. I want to pause and talk about Michael and being without him. I need please to get this out and off my chest. My hopes and that some or many of you can relate and know that you are not alone.
It’s been three years today that Michael was snatched away from the world. It still hurts I’m still in pain and for me it’s like it happened yesterday. It’s difficult walking around with this. There are days when my tears come fast and furious, there are days when I yell at the top of my lungs and then other days when I’m quiet and solemn and days where I can rock to every bit of music he and his brothers created and then days when at the first note of his music I abruptly turn it off. What will I do without him, what will the world do without him? Such a powerful energy he is, that I still feel him around. That can be torturous at times as I know I will never see him smile or hear his voice or see him just be, breathing walking the earth. Of course there are pictures and videos and film, but when I look at them now it’s a reminder that he is no longer here. I’m thankful for the times when I can watch him and get happily lost in the moment forgetting for a while what has happened.
The question is always why? I can’t stand the unknown, the wondering if he suffered, what were his last thoughts, how his babies must feel for they were in the house. Prince’s last sights of his dad, Paris crying hysterical wanting Daddy to simply wake up and Blanket being so young… I wonder how long he will remember Daddy. Parents out living their baby I can’t even imagine and his siblings his protectors and friends will never have their comrade again. These things way heavy on my heart, I’m quite sensitive and in tuned to the sensations of others. I feel rather helpless (another feeling I can’t stand) not being able to console the Jacksons or MJ3, the world or myself. Not having the answers that will make this a little easier for us all to deal. I’ve often heard that it’s not my place, you didn’t know him they say, yet my response is always, “what does that mean?” Have you no compassion or universal Love I think, do you really need to physically know someone to Love them, to feel them apart of you. For me that has never been a requirement.
Of course I know him, I grew up with him. His sound filled my home and images were on my television screen, photos on my wall and inspiration in my heart. Seeing Michael as a child made you believe in magic and wonder and you were simply amazed. He appeared supernatural, invincible….earthly languages can’t even describe him; you run out of words and superlatives. He is a feeling, a resonance….he simply is. There most definitely is a reason why one man made a great impact on 6 billion plus people on our planet; from the newborns to the elders. Whether you supported him or not or was in between you felt rather strong and passionately in those thoughts about Michael. Who else can we say has had that impact? He set the bar in entertainment with his originality and innovation.
The most charitable human being on the planet; to think someone whom people perceive to be at the highest of stations in life, he knew those things were illusions and faulty concepts. He often spoke about, how those things didn’t matter and that we are all one in the same. Yes the blood that’s inside me, is inside of you…..can you feel it, tell me can you feel it, can you feel it…..
The Guinness Book of World Records has him down as the most successful entertainer in history, you and I know that he was and still is even much more than that. With all the awards and accolades and adoring fans worldwide, he still was humble and real and tangible and unassuming forever giving and Loving. How and why is he not here?
How and why could people hurt and use him the way they did? How could someone purposely kill him? I like clarity and reality checks and it doesn’t get any realer than that. Someone killed him; someone killed Michael Jackson. I shake my head in disbelief. Looking at the young bright eyed boy singing the lead of the Jackson 5, traveling the world helping children, caring for the world, co-creator of We Are The World
Created foundations like Heal The world and Heal The Kids, calling for accountability within us all with the song Man In The Mirror
and proving we are all a part of one universal family with the song Another Part Of Me
Loving his fans and supporters so much that he gave the greatest show on earth each and every time…seriously look at him. Deep in his eyes, listen to his messages and feel his heart. Never words of malice about anyone, even those that hurt him. Can you really fathom that someone has murdered him; I surely cannot. I believed after all the lights that’s been dimmed in the past, that we as a people had evolved in awareness and that we had remembered as it is innate to Love Protect and Care for each other. I thought that we had evolved passed assassinating those that Love us those that are the reminders and bringers of hope, those that show and teach us the world is beautiful. What type of reality is this; we must have slid into an alternate one and not yet realized it. Where evil is accepted and good is ridiculed and frowned upon. The world truly must take accountability for what he/she accepts.
When Michael died, I was in shock for about 48 hrs and totally numb. Reports at first said he was in cardiac arrest and then in a coma and then Wolf Blitzer of CNN obviously shaken told us that it had been made official that Michael Jackson had died. I cried and cried and cried some more, you know the kind where you feel your soul inside your being that affirming feeling that he/she is in there. You literally felt your heart shattering, snot comes out your noise and you can’t breathe and feel as if you may pass out. That’s what I experienced and then as if time stood still all these images of Michael rushed in like a freight train. My living room faded to the background, it was as if I was taken into another space, a time capsule of sorts. In any direction I looked 360 degrees around my space there were running images of Michael at different times in his and my life. The earth stood still on her axis and slowly slid into reverse.
I turned right and saw him stand on his toes during his premiere of Billie Jean on Motown’s 25th Anniversary. A glance left and I saw him being wheeled out on a stretcher after the Pepsi people set him on fire. The feeling was there too, I was back in time and present in each of the moments. I remember being so afraid for him and wanting to be there to help him, I was a kid when this happened but always deep. I watched the news for updates and read the papers and I saw myself doing those things and that feeling of relief when I got word he would live and survive the pyrotechnic attack.
In another direction I turned and felt the exact moment we connected and I felt real Love for him. I saw myself singing We Are The World on stage with my classmates for our graduation ceremony. The standing ovation me and my dance troop got in junior high school when we performed a choreography to Pretty Young Thing. I span another way and watched breaking news of Prince being born, Michael being handcuffed by Sneddon’s dogs and the doves being released when he was found innocent on all those false accounts. I see the They Don’t Really Care About Us
From my peripheral and thought go Michael you so much stronger. Michael happily walking paparazzi free in Bahrain… Aww he has a girl now…. Look another baby, Blanket. Why is the baby’s name Blanket; smiling when he explained. Invincible is the bomb… listening to the cd on my comp in my other apartment while I was in college. Asking my boyfriend to get me the History double disc Cd for my birthday, it would soon be released. I remembered how important that was to me.
Then I started to feel real sad, I felt I neglected him I never followed him around the world or was current on his news, I was there for all the major stuff I guess. His music was with me always as was he, but tabloid news and stories of drug abuse I had no real knowledge. I didn’t watch the trial I saw the verdict. I saw, The Footage You Were Never Meant To See; not the Bashir piece. I heard about that, came across commentary but had no real idea of the damage it had done. I didn’t know he was being hounded and pursued for his money, struggling to keep Neverland.
I didn’t know about Fortress or Colony Capitol or how Sony was trying to get his share of the catalog and that his once hands seat on the board of directors was no more. His management had changed a million times, several managers were still laying claim on him and that he was in so much trouble. I started to feel real bad it got dark real dark, oh my lord where was I. Oh God is that what he is feeling is Michael feeling alone, like I don’t Love him, like the world doesn’t Love him. Oh God, Oh God… I’m so sorry Michael. My heart always held Michael, he was always there and we are always connected in the spirit. I felt ok with him being out of the country, I thought it was better for him and thought he was settling into retirement and life abroad.
I felt good and happy that he had that freedom and the kids and Grace, I understood…. Seeing shots of him every now and then made me smile. I didn’t know when he came back to the states. I remembered thinking about James Brown hurting for James and my family as we Love him and I thought of Michael and how he must have been devastated. I saw pics of him at the funeral, he looked good I thought, rested real fly and strong, sad for his loss but alive again. I didn’t like seeing him during the trial days; he was a shell his spirit was elsewhere. I didn’t know about This Is It or AEG or shows at the O2. I didn’t know and none of us were supposed as the media had a blackout on Mike purposely.
I didn’t know he needed me, needed us, I didn’t know… I began to cry more and more. Everything became a blur all the images and sounds and feelings swirled together and then a loud BANG!! I was jolted to the present, the phone was ringing nonstop the TV was loud and coverage on every channel, the living room that I had been in the whole time had returned. I was done, finished…drained. I answered the phone “OMG….. Michael is dead”, I heard from the other end. Beep the call waiting tone, “Hold on” I click over “Michael Jackson is dead “and rambling is what I heard next. “Hold on I know” I dragged out slowly.
I click back over to the other line and it’s gone. I click back and then hear the beep again another call from yet another person. Screaming crying “I’m coming over”, I manage to understand through all the madness. “Ok” I say and hang up the phone, it rings right back I forgot the other caller on the line. “I can’t talk please understand” I said to someone not knowing who I was talking to and hang up. I go the net, the phone is still ringing yet I ignore it. It’s down… the worldwide web is down. I flip the channels still in disbelief trying to get my bearings. For the next 48hrs I sat in horror and shock and then….I came back somewhat. My analytical inquisitive mind began to take over. I started to see foul play, hear shit that just didn’t add up. Propofol wtf is Propofol and I clutched my chest, for I realized that Michael had been murdered. OH shit somebody murdered MICHAEL! This can’t be, no no no wait… this just can’t be. Who would….why would…. NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
I saw images of his body wrapped in a sheet on loop on the TV being flown through the skies of LA and driven to the morgue. All I wanted was for superman to come. You remember that earth quake and Lois Lane died while Superman was elsewhere saving the world. He was so hurt angered and sad that he flew around the earth at mock speed against earth’s rotation to reverse time and save her. I needed that to be possible; I needed it to be a mistake, a double a hoax….something. I needed this not to be true. So once again I took to the net, it was easier to swallow Michael faking his death to get away from the madness (I wouldn’t have been mad at him at least he’d be alive) vs. the reality that someone murdered him. Although I had realized that he was gone and murdered I wasn’t fully ready to accept.
The stages of grief one of them is denial and Loves I stayed in denial for nearly a year stuck on that wrung of the grief process. I delved into the hoax; I saw things all over the place that said he was alive. From the fake last photo on the ambulance (and that is still a fake) to learning about the hot climate in his home and UCLA having a sophisticated cadaver program. I dug and searched. I was in chat rooms and forums all related to Michael hoaxing his death. My reasons for believing the hoax was never the thoughts that he would hurt us or his family, I always felt that he had to, to save his life.
During that process I caught up on all things Michael and everyone that had come in and out of his life. The more I looked the more I saw murder, threats on his life and how imperative it was for him to get out of here. I looked at insurance claims that never happened and how sloppily the LAPD was handling this case. How so many people was trampling on a crime scene and vital evidence had been destroyed.
My biggest reason and I’m going to share this here for not believing that Michael had died was the propofol story. I was a pharm tech student and I knew and still know that there was no way he could be put to sleep nightly for weeks no less with anesthesia and be able to walk the next day let alone attend some rehearsal. I still know that is not humanly possible the physiology of the body just could not handle that no matter how small or diluted the doses may have been. On top of that he was receiving opiates as well. Listen to me this story is total BS something far more sinister happened in that room that night. There is no way absolutely no humanly way Michael could have been doing this all this time, not even a week could he have lasted. He wouldn’t feel rested no way; it would defeat the purpose of going under anesthesia for sleep…he would only lose blocks of time. Not feel relaxed or rested like he was supposedly seeking. Open your minds, I’m telling you.
So I’m assessing all these things and I’m like nah nah uh uh. Let me stop trying to prove he is alive as some serious demons is after him, I don’t want them to know he escaped and keep their search for him. Let me focus on why he had to run, if I can only figure this out and gather others in that quest, we can expose and make it free and clear for him to return. In my innocently pure heart I thought I could help him come home again. As I stated before I felt the consciousness of the world had taken great leaps and bounds. That something of this magnitude wouldn’t happen again, not this way, not to him, no not now.
Yet another strong reason I couldn’t accept and chose not to believe he was gone. Was because the more I dug, the more I followed my instinct the more I’d come in contact with information people and things that would reveal this plot against Michael and his life. It became evident that this had been something years and years in the making; he had always been their target. He had been aware of it expressed it to many and no way people in the know let this happen. There are good people surely someone helped him get away. Because of whom he is and what he represents, the Lights of the world cannot be while the darkness reigns supreme so yes they are after all that will reveal their plans.
We soldiers of Love and Light threaten their very existence and power. We are strong resilient and powerful, united….nah Mike got away I’d say to ease the pain and take the hurt away. Michael cleverly alerted us to the worldly goings on; in his videos and songs….he always had his army signifying strength courage and unity. Mike check him out he truly is BAD. No he good he low he got away; I pray that those that are with him are caring for him.
Slowly but surely I began to let the hopes that he was here go. The more the plot began to reveal itself the more I saw how premeditated and orchestrated the murder was. How he was boxed in, in a house full of posers no one trust or turn but his kids. They isolated him; they kept those that loved him away. I could no longer theorize or create scenarios on how he done it, who helped him. A multitude of players, he was alone, with a lot of money…money in the billions on the line.
Yea they took my baby, I thought in defeat. Those bitches and bastards did that shit. I became angry, I’m not an angry girl by nature but this was so ruthless and unjust and I’m so tired of these people getting away with taking the lives of anybody they want without being exposed or having accountability. I dropped to my knees as it hit me again just like a year earlier but this time like a ton of bricks because Michael died for me again……
With the system working side by side with Michael’s killers as they are one in the same; it can potentially be years before any of us get close to some shred of truth. If we don’t, one…. stick together and two stop all the fighting. The distractions and secrets are what keep the lies going and the truth allusive. I can’t take that yall nor can I bear for this to turn into some Elvis situation (no disrespect to him) I can’t live the rest of my days not knowing; not at all…not with Michael. So I kept my process clean no media and net at times for months on end. No twitter, no FB none of that.
My focus became his murder who when where how and at what time. I pored over the autopsy reports 911 calls learned about some of these drugs and used my guide and inner voice and trusted its direction. There would be times where my focus was the Pepsi commercial knowing the link and unison between all the major corporations of the world as they are subsidiaries of one another. I looked RTL and how they are a Sony company and was behind the hoax video with it appearing to be Michael jumping out the back of a morgue van. More confirmation of just how up this hit was going. Just how ghoulish these suits are that would make money off Michael‘s every aspect of life and now death. You do realize how much an Elvis sighting is worth.
I found that the hoaxers were being funded and that they were purposely trying to distract and us from the truth that he was in fact murdered. Why hasn’t any one come after them legally or why didn’t Murray’s defense team toy with the idea that he may in fact be living….that would surely get Murray off the hook. I mean the hoax videos are on paper-view and satellite, not just the net, how is that possible hmmmm . The media you’d think would address this at some point as they talk everything else about Michael but they never did. Why wasn’t Branca all over the producer of that documentary with a raised eye brow I pondered, finger tips to chin just like Mike.
I Love the world and her inhabitants but there are people that are out right deranged when it comes to Michael. He has such an effect on people to such extremes that it manifests pure Love and the purely neurotic; balance is our friend. I have sat back and read and watched people get annihilated and bullied over Michael and their views opinions and delusions. I have saw people’s personal lives get ripped to shreds, followed in real life and cyber stalked.
People contacting the Jacksons about others solely because they don’t like them or are jealous of their potential and actual connections with them. Creating phony Facebook accounts and twitter handles. Dummy emails, identity theft pretending to be others. Indirect insults and innuendos; public searches for the fans and supporters’ whereabouts and all other types of personal private information.
Then there is Branca and his foolish fans that he has bought off, they spy in groups and forums and befriend to extract information. Legal battles and threats of legal battles against fans and supporters from the estate; your average Michael fan most do not have the monetary backing or power to go up against or defend themselves against the Branca machine.
There are those that call themselves part of the MJ community of Love and yet they are mean spirited catty and snide. We have fake orgs and groups fleecing fans of their hard earned money and exploiting their sadness over the loss of Michael. I as a result stopped letting just anyone in, I didn’t commune with cyber peeps solely because they came in the name of Michael. I didn’t know who was coming from what angle and why. As I like to learn from my errors…. in the early days after Michael’s death I was exploited a great deal by those who had nothing but rotten intentions. I thought we all came together for support and the commonalities of our Love for Michael. Wolves in sheep’s clothing, I surely feel what Michael feels. People of that nature take kindness for a weakness. My life and my integrity, my words my writings are too important to allow someone to take that away just because. What I feel for Michael and what has happened to him is in truth and from pure Love. I’m not in this for notoriety or a payday or to get in with a Jackson have a bunch of followers…. I am in this cause he is my brother , my Love, my youth, my memories, my inspiration…my sadness my joy and I need to make sense of this all.
I’m so tired of people disrespecting him in these ways…all the lies and the fights and the slander and the attacks…the theft… all this ugliness in his name. Do people in this world have a conscious a heart; are you demons in human flesh? I have to deal with, we have to deal with finding the truth getting justice if these men can kill Michael the biggest star on earth that generates more capital than many countries do and you the know the capital and power is all these people care about. If they can risk not having him their golden cash cow, do you really think that they would blink about getting rid of you or me.
Why you think so many celebs are real quiet when it comes to Michael, do you think that’s a coincidence. Celine Dion has said she was scared and reiterated it after Whitney mysteriously died too. Many of you so haphazardly take this for a joke and a game. This is murder in cold blood…. in our faces. I am beginning to cry as I write this. The world has become so desensitized to the plights of others. Michael spoke against this and tried to teach togetherness many got it and for that I am thankful and yet still many have not.
How come the cowardly are still here and brave are not. Murray talked about being Michael’s friend he said that he loved him tried to help him and yet when he had his opportunity to speak during his trial he didn’t. It looked as if he would and it appeared that he wanted to yet the pressure fear and guilt I guess took him over. When you Love you want nothing but the best for those whom you Love.
I have questions that I have wanted to ask him and so many involved. Like why haven’t you come forward about what you really witnessed that night? We are all in agreement that he is the fall guy and be honest some of you having felt bad for him a time or two. I surely have and am sure Michael has too, that’s the type of man that he is. Murray found himself in this predicament for a whole host of reasons, money fame, necessity for his life, I’m sure AEG handed down threats and exhibited their ability to crush him anytime they felt like and so many other reason and Murray knows.
To be Michael’s friend and travel the world with who wouldn’t want that? I’m always hearing how very special you felt being around Michael and how very special he himself is. Murray must have run the gambit of emotions when this happen. All I ever wanted was for him to speak up and break the silence. Do what is right by Michael tell us what happened, he is gone now, you have taken the fall is currently in prison like what else do you have to lose.
Your family is already gone for this time being, your career all that you have worked for up to this point. You will be forever known as the man that took Michael away from the world. And for what? We are no closer to the truth having endured that trial and viewing Michael lifeless in a morgue (I’m extremely angry and disturbed by that…of course that was to inflict further trauma on us all, I’ll get into that later)
The trial just reiterated the media had been saying for the past two years no new news or better understanding. What is being held over you Conrad? Free yourself take away their ammunition by telling the truth once it’s out there, there is nothing that can be done to you. The secrets it’s what keeps you enslaved and they can dispose of you anytime they want. My thinking, once it’s out there you have just saved your own life, the world will be watching and if anything happened we would know.
Going public is your witness protection program. Think about his kids and family, think about your own, don’t you want to get back to them. Your child’s mother had already gushed on the stand how Michael was excited and delighted about your child before it was born. Michael would have cared for your baby Murray like his own, does this not mean anything to you…. The cowardly live and yet Michael is not here, someone help me make sense of this.
I think a lot about the house staff and all his employees. They all said that Michael said he Loved them daily this was normal for him, not just words yet something they could feel. Yet no one Loved him back, I’m struggling with that. A house full of people and no one said damn their jobs, let me get Mr. Jackson some help, F protocol and Michael Amir I’m calling someone in here now. Later for the press I Love Mr. Jackson we will deal with the aftermath later. Were they also covering up their own wrong doings… Why was Murray only held accountable he was not the only one in that house. Were they all held up at gun point, or forced to watch and threatened with their lives if they told. I’m trying to find some type of rhyme and reason.
Why didn’t anyone have common sense or act on instinct, they say they Loved him too, is this how you respond when a Love one is in danger. The cook had a cell in her pocket, as did all the security. The Nanny I’m sure had one too and why wasn’t she subpoenaed or questioned by police. Does she have a testimony or deposition somewhere that I don’t know about. Michael Amir is the assistant and I’m finding it so hard to believe that trained security detail in the business of guarding extremely high profile people, were to take their directives from an underling assistant. What game they are running to the people of the world from start to finish. It’s a cover-up that infant can see… everyone was told what to say and do. The fact that the courts accepted this are even more horrifying as they are supposed to protect our civil liberties; more validity that this is a systemic conspiracy.
Sound is low, please use head phones
“Michael was an Angel”